Marriage is a union of two different people who are sometimes from different backgrounds. However, many couples do not grasp the implications of this until after the honeymoon.
Two people fall in love, get married, and then proceed to enjoy a delightful honeymoon with lots of fun in and out of the bedroom. The honeymoon ends and they settle into their life together; that’s when they really start to realise that they each have their expectations regarding their spouse’s role.
This is perfectly normal. Unfortunately, in navigating these waters, many couples make mistakes that take a toll on the marriage. Here are 3 things to keep in mind in order to avoid these pitfalls:
Your marriage is your own
It’s not for your parents, friends or pastor. Holding too tightly to preconceived notions about marriage and marital roles often leads couples to miss out on the uniqueness of what they have. They get sucked into the vortex of what each gender is supposed to do and how they’re not pulling their weight and, in attempting to squeeze each other into these roles, they plunge themselves into misery.
Instead, discuss your expectations in practical terms without judgment, and be ready to adapt and make your marriage truly yours.
Celebrate your strengths
It is all too easy to focus on each other’s flaws and weaknesses, but the truth is that what you focus on is magnified. So why not focus on, and celebrate, what each partner brings to the table? This is a beautiful way to fill your lives with joy. The alternative, which is focusing on unmet expectations and shortcomings, will only create negative energy. Where improvements can be made, they definitely should, but don’t give more attention to each other’s weaknesses.
Couples would be happier in marriage if they genuinely assessed each other’s strengths, and then came up with ways to create a synergy that works. This doesn’t mean that one person would be left to handle sensitive issues alone because they’re more diplomatic, or handle family finances entirely because they’re good with numbers. Rather, it means that both will learn how to sing the duet perfectly, each knowing where to come in and where the other takes over. We all have our different strengths and weaknesses, and if you can be strong where your partner is weak and they can do the same for you. Isn’t that just what marriage needs?
Be true to yourselves and each other
Traditionally, a husband is good at making money and it is his duty to provide and take care of all the bills; a wife is great at keeping the house and raising the children. In real life, however, things aren’t cut and dried. Some men find themselves with wives who are better at making money than they are, and some women marry men who are better with children or domestic chores. Even in the bedroom, the dynamics we’ve been taught to accept as law don’t always apply. Sometimes, for instance, a wife is almost always ready to get down and it’s the man who needs romance and sweet talk to get in the mood.
Every couple has a choice: stick to rigid ideals or settle down and work together to find an arrangement that suits their family.
Fulfilled couples don’t waste time fighting the waves; they ride them to their mutual advantage. They start learning early how to be in sync, create a beautiful symphony and have a joyful marriage.